No Back-Up Plan, aka I’m Fucked If…

I have a slight obsession with having a back-up. I have back-ups for just about everything - and it doesn't end with my digital life. I keep a back-up stash for toilet paper, paper towels, chapstick, skinny jeans, fat jeans, dark jeans, light jeans, distressed jeans, black shoes, black pants, gloves - every size and color for every occasion in every other drawer in the house (we live in Minnesota, don't-cha-know. Land of 10,000 lakes and 300+snow days...), stamps, batteries in every size (hey, I don't want my remotes to die), mascara, bandages, I ALWAYS ALWAYS have extra ice cream in the house (who doesn't?), dog food, notebooks, flashlights, and the list could go on and on. What might be easier is to list things without a back-up stash: I'm fucked if... something happens to my husband - (something = death or dismemberment) I have no back-up husband, so I am crossing my fingers that he doesn't croak before I do. I have even resorted to threatening him to make absolutely sure he … [Read more...]

Problem SOLVED: We haven’t had a SOCK shortage SINCE!

I don't have a sock problem, but my husband does. And by problem, I mean, he's always running out of clean socks. This wouldn't be a problem except that he doesn't go shopping enough to replenish his necessities - like socks, enough. And when he's out of socks, I pay for it. I mean, he'll complain, he'll look all over the house, he'll get ornery, he'll leave the house late for work, he'll give me the dreaded *dirty* eye that implies that I somehow should have anticipated this but WORST of all, he'll resort to wearing dirty socks - and with a nose like mine - I can smell dirty, stinky, smelly, sweaty, worn sock, from across the room. EWWWWWW. Let me say it again. EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! ________________________________ He once even accused me: Husband: I can't find any of my socks. Have you been wearing MY socks? Me: I don't wear socks. Even if I did, I wouldn't wear YOUR socks. They have holes in them. AND, the heel would come up to my knee. I'm pretty sure you would have … [Read more...]

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