I’m Slowly Turning Into My Mother and It’s Probably The Best Thing – EVER.

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Moms come in all shapes and forms and mommy styles. When I say mommy styles – I mean the way you raise your kids. Boy, I sure wish I knew that when I first started.

Growing up, I had a Mormon girlfriend. Whenever I was invited to her house, it was like heaven. Everything was neat and orderly. They had 7 kids in the family as did my family, but that was where the similarities ended. Whereas my household was chaotic, noisy, and crowded, something in their household made their home life just hum along. I concluded that it was her mom. Things at her house went like this:

  1. We would all come home from school, and when I was invited, I would just go to her house after school.
  2. We would enter the house from the back into a perfectly neat and orderly mud room. In the mudroom, we took off our shoes/boots, and hung up our coats. Their was a cubby hole for each member of the family so that coats, shoes and mittens did not get lost. There were even extra cubby holes for guests – like me. I loved having my own cubby hole.
  3. Once we entered into the house from the mud room, we were in the kitchen. And her mom, was always ready with a tray of healthy snacks for all of her kids, and any guests that had been invited over. Healthy snacks consisted of “ants on a log” aka celery with peanut butter topped with raisons and some fresh squeezed juice.
  4. After snack time, we retired to the bedroom to do our homework. Each child shared a room with another sibling. Each had a bed, a closet and a desk with plenty of desk space for friends (aka me) to come over for homework.
  5. Each of the bedrooms was perfectly decorated with each child’s individual style in mind. And each child had a hand in decorating – it was obvious with each child’s bed and desk. Some of the kids had art they had made – framed and displayed neatly in hand made frames. Some kids had their priced trophies on display. Others had pictures of their proudest moments. The bed spreads were proudly made by Lisa’s mom (my Mormon girlfriend) and they were absolutely beautiful in their attention to detail, quality and the way in which each bedspread captured the very essence of each child’s personality – perfectly.
Even with all those kids, her parents somehow made it to all of her practices, recitals, games, conferences, brownie meetings, boy scout meetings, etc.
They never had any behavioral issues – there were no arguments among the siblings, they loved and supported each other, and no one tried to run away, dye their hair purple or get a nose ring. (Not that those are behavioral issues, but things just seemed so perfect.)
Having seen what the “perfect mom” looked like, I strived to meet that bar.
Let me tell you how that goes – when you try to be someone you’re obviously not, and know nothing about being:

It doesn’t go well.

Try as I might, while praying that I would somehow morph into this the perfect mormon mom I had witnessed as a child, I did the only thing I really knew how to do>

I slowly turned into my mother.

During this time, I felt like a miserable mother. I obviously didn’t know how to sew a stitch > and my attempts at sewing bedspreads were a miserable failure.

My husband (at the time) was a drunk hoodlum, and his attempts at making a desk for our children ended… well let’s just say that didn’t end well either. Carpentry is a lot harder than it looks, especially if you want anything level or square…

And the whole time I was trying to be that “perfect mom” that I once saw, I became unhappy, miserable, and was an utter failure at being THAT mom. Instead, I was the mom that I AM.

And what kind of mom was that? What kind of mom am I?

The answer > I was turning into my mother. Whom, I LOVED, but did not often think of, as a “mothering-type,” per se. I thought of her, as well, a ninja BITCH, CEO!

Perhaps I should define Ninja BITCH, CEO for you:

an independent, sassy, smart(ass) woman who has more balls than an army, the stealth/speed of a ninja, and can run a business like it’s nobody’s business but her own. She’s beautiful and strong, but be careful – she carries a Mack-10 (just in case things get out of hand – metaphorically speaking) and she’s not afraid to use it.

Yep, that was my mom. And I slowly, but surely I turned into her. As it turns out, this wasn’t a bad thing, and probably the best thing – EVER. After all, I think my mom IS the BEST mom a ninja BITCH, CEO could ask for. And no one else I know, has one like her.

Notice how when I defined Ninja BITCH, CEO, I didn’t use words like “warm & fuzzy” or “arts and crafts?” Ninja BITCH, CEO’s are not “mommy-like” by nature or as defined by society – but that does’t make us terrible moms. It makes us moms with a whole different skill set. And one that’s been under recognized by society in general. I certainly don’t blame the mormons, or my friend, Lisa’s mom, for my perception of what a “perfect mom” looked like. That was one small glimpse I had when I was young, but everything since has reinforced that notion. It’s society-at-large that has pigeon-holed us into these little boxes. And it took me 18 years to realize that you can’t contain a Ninja BITCH, CEO in a pre-made box.

As for being a mom? What does it really mean? As moms, we are here to love, nurture and prepare our children – for the world, for their life – however that process may look for each one of us, each one of our children, is the way that it works! And each one of our pathways – is always PERFECT by its sheer design.

On Sundays, my eighteen year old son and I go to church together. Then afterwards, we have a mother-son brunch. It’s a new thing that we started just this year. We just talk – mostly about him. His hopes, his dreams, his school, his work, his girlfriend, the books he’s reading, etc.

Lately, the conversations have turned to business – that is he wanted to start his 2nd business. <ESPECIALLY BIG GRIN> My speciality.

And this is when I get to shine at being a mom.

And just think, I didn’t even have to bake a pie or sew a quilt. (Don’t get me wrong – I TOTALLY wish I could! I’m just not wired that way.) We sat and talked about all the ins and outs of business, what it takes, talked about his ideas, I encouraged him to DO IT. At the end of the conversation, he told me:

Mom, you’re so smart, calm and logical about business. I’m so glad I have you to talk to about this. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy and wasting my time & money. But you understand the drive and the need. Of course I want to start a business because I want to make money. But even more than that, I want to do it because I have to do it- for my own sanity. It’s like breathing. I must create a business like I must breathe. I just have that drive and I need to address it or go crazy thinking about it. I guess we’re both crazy in the same sort of way.

The apple does not fall far from the tree people!

The moral to this story is that moms come in all different shapes, sizes and mommy styles. If you’re not that traditional mommy, don’t worry! There will be a time, a place, or a moment where you fit into the big picture, and you will shine too. Take it from me – I know it to be true!

PS. I’ll leave you with a video for Chistophe’s song, Aline. Because it’s in french, and it’s one of my mom’s favorite songs. Plus, she tried to get me to learn french by listening to all of these french love songs.  To this day, I still love french love songs and still can’t speak a single word. And if you want to know more about my mom, feel free to read about the time she sent me a 6 foot tall naked mannequin….

-Ninja BITCH, CEO

getting shit done since 1999

 

 

This week, I am submitting to my favorite group again, Lovelinks! If you like my post, please click on the link on THURSDAY, December 15th and then vote for me! OR, find other blogs that are AWESOME!

Comments

  1. Ado says:

    You should be proud of your Ninja-mommy self. I hereby award you a Ninja black belt in the mom category. Loved this post —> we all become our moms at some point. I just had this conversation this morning with my husband. (-:
    Ado recently posted..Excuse Me I Beg Your Pardon But I’ve Had Ample-SufficiencyMy Profile

  2. Thank you for this post. There are days I feel like a failure because I’m not more like my mother-in-law, who can cook, sew, keep a clean and neat house and just generally all the other stuff I’m not very good at. So I do have hope 🙂
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..TherapyMy Profile

  3. Ado: It’s a good thing that my mom is my idol!

    Alison: I’ve never been that mom either. But I’ve learned to love the mom I am, and my kids do too.
    NINJA (bitch),CEO recently posted..I’m Slowly Turning Into My Mother and It’s Probably The Best Thing – EVER.My Profile

  4. January says:

    Awesome post…and I love the relationship you have with your son. I’m not like my Mother. She’s great, we get along very well but we’re just very different people. And I’m okay with that too.
    January recently posted..Oh. My. God! I’m, like, SO popular!My Profile

  5. Good for you!! You’re right moms, just like “regular people” come in all shapes, sizes, personalities and there is not one correct approach. Too often I think people continue to strive for what they think is an ideal, when in reality it is unattainable and unnecessary. Good for you for being comfortable with who you are -(which, coincidentally is probably one of the best things we can teach children!)
    A Morning Grouch recently posted..Grouchy Pants. Or, Grouchy No-Pants.My Profile

  6. Jamie says:

    I love Mama love! I had the SAME EXACT mormon friend, I’m sure of it. She lived across the street and her house was heavenly. Mine was quiet. I’m so glad you found YOUR place and are loving it!
    Jamie recently posted..a christmas storyMy Profile

  7. Mirjam says:

    I learned this the hard way: being a mom is all about being yourself! That’s the best you can offer your child. You rock, ninja mom!
    Mirjam recently posted..Colorful worldMy Profile

  8. Mommy2¢ says:

    I have to tell you… I was in Toy’s R Us and saw these little ninja guys and thought of you! LOL
    I just wish I had my mothers patience and not my dads.
    Mommy2¢ recently posted..Shnazy Cool Holiday Fun – Round 3My Profile

  9. Mommy2C: LOVE it!

    And as for patience, if can be learned, but it’s hard. You have to have patience… hehehehe
    NINJA (bitch),CEO recently posted..Why I Write, I’m a Genie and Granting Wishes!My Profile

  10. XLMIC says:

    This is very cool. I struggle to not be like my mom mostly because she was really unavailable. Trying to separate out the positive elements of her mom-ness has been challenging… but rewarding. I, like you, had a beacon of perfection I was trying to unsuccessfully emulate. Feels so good to realize you just need to be YOU 🙂

    You are pretty awesome 🙂
    XLMIC recently posted..Balance: is it attainable?My Profile

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