Worried about the “Terrible Two’s?” The TEENAGE years last 7 years Y’ALL. GOOD LUCK.

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I’ve been doing a LOT of reading lately. Reading blogs left and right. And you know what I’ve found?

There are a LOT of mommy blogs out there. A LOT of them. OH, your kids are SOOO cute, and they say the MOST adorable things, and they have the cutest clothes, and look, little Jimmy just kissed his new baby sister…

and blah blah blah and BAH humbug to you!

Just kidding on the BAH humbug. But seriously now, I’m a mommy too – of teenagers. 16 & 18 to be exact. Where are all the blogs that deal with all the cute things teenagers say? Showcase what teenagers do? Where are all the blogs that make you go ahhh, “how cute? teenagers can do that?” I need some inspiration to make it through MY day too. Where are all those inspirational mommy blogs-of teenagers? I’ll tell you where:

NO WHERE. And why?

When people ask me how old me kids are, I smile and tell them, 16 & 18. AND THEN they proceed to tell me:

“You’re so lucky you don’t have to change diapers or worry about babysitters any more. What I’d give to have some time to myself. That’s a much easier age than the “terrible two’s!”

the teenage years last SEVEN Y’ALL! GOD help us all.

This blog post is a public service announcement. Just to give you a taste of what’s to come, here are the “cute” things my teenagers said to me recently. You’re welcome. Oh. They’re just so much easier than the terrible two’s already!

  1. Mom, theoretically, does anything happen if you get FOUR speeding tickets in a row? row = month?
  2. By the way mom, on your way home, can you pick me up a pack of condoms? I’m all out. (um yeah, he actually said that. to ME.)
  3. OH MY GOD MOM, you are freaking me out! *teenager roll eyes here*
  4. Mom, I didn’t tell you because I KNEW you would freak out. *teenager roll eyes here*
  5. Uh, mom, can you come pick me up? I’m at the juvenile detention center. Don’t worry. it’s nothing serious.
  6. Uh, mom, can you pick me up? I’m in the principal’s office. I’ll tell you when you get here. It’s not really THAT bad…
  7. Uh, mom, you’re not doing anything, -right? Can you come drop me off at Sam’s? And while we’re at it, can you pick up Joe and John and Peter and drop us all off? And then can you pick us up and drop them off at their homes?
  8. Mom, can you lie to my bff’s parents? They are SOOOO strict and she won’t be able to come over unless you lie to them first. We want to go to the football game – tell them you’re going to drop us off at the library to do our homework. If you want, you can even drop us off at the library so technically, you won’t have to lie. We’ll walk to the football game.
  9. Mom, can I have a sleepover? Why can’t I invite girls? We’re just friends, mom!
  10. Mom, it itches DOWN THERE.
  11. BONUS – every once in a while your teen may say  something sweet like mine did this past Thanksgiving: Happy Thanksgiving mom! I’m thankful for you in everything you helped me through. I love you.*

That last one makes it ALL worthwhile.

*say = TXT. They actually don’t really speak to you any more. They just text you.
-CHEERS!
Ninja BITCH, CEO
Getting shit done.
PS. I’ve entered this blog into lovelinks! Please click on the button below and if you liked my blog, please vote for it!

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Comments

  1. Ninja Mom says:

    Oh, I can’t wait for mine to text me from jail. Happy days ahead!
    Ninja Mom recently posted..Great thanks.My Profile

  2. Rliyen says:

    *eye twitch*

    My son’s eight, but he won’t make it past his teenage years if he calls me and tells me he’s at a Juve detention center.

    Luckily, most of the time, I see him lost in thought. When I ask him what he’s thinking about, he says one thing.

    “Legos.”

    Hope that phase lasts through his teenage years. =o)

  3. Teenage years have been rough for me, but I’m learning ALOT about myself and motherhood that I NEVER even thought was in the picture. At one point I was just hoping to make it out alive!
    NINJA (bitch),CEO recently posted..Worried about the “Terrible Two’s?” The TEENAGE years last 7 years Y’ALL. GOOD LUCK.My Profile

  4. Becca says:

    OMG I’m really disturbed by no.2. OK not disturbed, happy that your child is being proactive, smart and healthy, but if my baby girl or boy (currently 4 and 18 months) asks me for a box of condoms they are going to have to pick me up off the floor from where I’ve fainted before I actually head out the door to get them….
    Becca recently posted..You Don’t Have Any DD’s by Chance?My Profile

  5. Becca: ME and you BOTH! I was driving on the freeway when he called. I calmly said “uh OK.” and hung up. Then pulled over to the side of the road, then hyperventilated, then regained my breathing, AND THEN called my girlfriend, who laughed until we BOTH cried. Then, I then purchased the condoms and through them into his room. I guess he was sorta listening when I gave the “sex” talk a few years prior. Now I just laugh, and roll with it. The teenage years REALLY give you something to laugh AND cry about! 🙂
    NINJA (bitch),CEO recently posted..Worried about the “Terrible Two’s?” The TEENAGE years last 7 years Y’ALL. GOOD LUCK.My Profile

  6. January says:

    Oh holy Lord you made me laugh and want to cry at the same time. I have 2 boys 2 and 3 and I am NOT looking forward to the condoms conversation – AS IF! But, at least he using them!

    Stopping in from lovelinks.
    January recently posted..To My 18 Year Old SelfMy Profile

  7. Ado says:

    Oh shit, I’m really scared now.
    You are so right – where are all the moms of teenagers and all the cute things they say?
    Oy vey. Scared, now, really scared.
    (-:

  8. I’m crapping my pants right now.

    I may also have peed a little, laughing so hard. Squeezing runts out through the er, down there, does that to you.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Coming SecondMy Profile

  9. The teen years last only 7 years, but you forgot to factor in the TWEENHELL years, which started at about 8. That’s where I am. She already has the eye-rolling perfected.

    And they wonder why moms drink so much.
    Lori@The Lyons Din recently posted..Book OneMy Profile

  10. XLMIC says:

    Been through it all 😛 My 6 stepkids ‘broke me in’ for my own kids. I have almost heard it all…almost. A lot of it pretty scary. But we get through …most of us. Our latest… the 31-year old getting pissed off that we wouldn’t pay for med school! Bahahahhahaahhahahahaha!
    XLMIC recently posted..I’m running in Vegas… are you? Yes! I’m running in Vegas! How about you? Are you running in Vegas? I am! You? Yes, indeedy…I will be running in Vegas…you, too?My Profile

  11. Jamie says:

    Honest. I was crinkling my nose while reading this. I am afraid. Very very afraid. Hold me?
    Jamie recently posted..he would have been 9My Profile

  12. OMG I’m dying! Not just at your post, but also the comments. This was a NEEDED PSA, thank you! My daughter is 11 so we’re on our way! I’m so scared.
    Just Jennifer recently posted..What did you just say??My Profile

  13. Mommy2¢ says:

    You don’t see many moms on here talking about their teens because they’re too busy tracking them via GPS via their phones and via their vehicles. lol – I’d like to think I won’t be “that mom”… but I probably will.
    Mommy2¢ recently posted..Shnazy Cool Holiday Fun – Round 1My Profile

  14. This was hilarious, horrifying, and educational, all rolled into one.
    Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Ed the Dog – Fashion InnovatorMy Profile

  15. Kid Id says:

    Can something be both hysterical and terrifying? Your post was. I must read all your posts now to prepare for what’s to come. Or avoid everyone of them so I can continue staying in denial that adolescence will ever occur to my children. BTW, love your twitter handle name. How could I not follow!
    Kid Id recently posted..An Unnecessary StruggleMy Profile

  16. crack me the hell up. Yeah. The thing is that babies are adorable and all…and then after a while they just turn into more people. Who are frequently annoying and often have smelly socks. Your PSA is well-taken. We’re cruising into pre-teen in my house and it’s already not pretty. Plus smelly.
    deborah l quinn recently posted..National Day: The Big Four-OhMy Profile

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