Sometimes LIFE happens, and sometimes, you kill something…


Last year, I had a friend of mine, who is certified in feng shui, come over and help me with the feng shui in my home.

LUCKILY, she said that my home laid out pretty well, and I wouldn’t have to correct too much in the ways of “bad feng shui.” THANK the COCK of JUPITER (OK, I’ve been watching too much SPARTACUS > and if you haven’t, you TOTALLY should!), because my husband already thinks I am looney, and if I had to tell him “honey, could you please relocate the bathroom to the opposite corner of the house – because it’s bad feng shui” one more time, I think he *might* just divorce me. This is usually when I remind him, “don’t forget, I one DAMN hot bitch.” I *usually* get what I want until the next time I ask him something that seems ridiculous at first blush.

Anyway, I digress.

So my feng shui friend asks me, “Do you have any problems? Sometimes we can address problems in your life by re-directing the feng shui in your home.

Well, since you mention it, I have these teenagers that call me mom…

“Say no more!” says my feng shui friend!

Apparently, there are a couple windows in my home that I am to place plants in front of them. AND, I have to tend to the plants and make sure they thrive. This will correct the “chi” and somehow help me with “teenage angst.”

Well, hot damn. I became an obsessed bitch – over plants. I thought, if one plant was good in a couple of windows, LOTS OF PLANTS ALL OVER THE PLACE would be good for EVERYTHING. If there’s anyone out there reading this blog post that has a teenager or TWO, you know my desperation. If someone told you that you could correct “teenage” angst with the help of some plants, you KNOW you would be opening a greenhouse if you could. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t!

So anyway, all of my windows now have plants in them. AND I read the directions, AND I have a careful watering system so that I don’t overwater.

And you know what? Somestimes LIFE HAPPENS, and this is what it looks like:

This is our "MONEY TREE." Thank goodness it is thriving. I don't know exactly what kind of bad feng shui happens when your "money tree" dies. It's in the window in the "knowledge center" of our home, along with all my Stephen King books. Wonder what Stephen King books do to the feng shui?

Ginger plant? Not sure. And NOT sure why it has "testicles." Figures. That must represent my male teenager.

I think this represents my daughter, as she has WILD HAIR just like this plant.

MOTHER of all plants. Beautiful, OLD, enormous, gnarly JADE plant. Placed in the "prosperity" center of the home. Thank GAWD it's currently PROSPERING!

























I’m not going to bore you with all the pictures of my plants. There are TONS more. I was committed to making the whole teenage thing work.

I was HIGH FIVING myself all year- all my plants were doing well. Many of them were thriving. Some of the things I learned from taking care of these plants?

  1. Most times, they just need a little water, and a LOT of sunshine.
  2. Sometimes you get spider mites. Those fuckers are hard to kill. You have to be vigilant. And you have to love your plant more than the spider mites love your plant.
  3. And it takes A LOT of patience to see the fruits of your labors. Some of my plants took WEEKS to show new growth. And sometimes I had to walk away and come back to admire them a couple of weeks later.
  4. I AM a little nutty. I found myself talking to my plants and cheering them on  – come one Jade plant! Don’t let those spider mites get the best of you! or this chant: come on ginger plant – you can do it! Grow a few more little green leaves for you mom, won’t ya? and this classic one: and they say money doesn’t grow on trees – obviously, they never saw what you can do!
I learned a few things from tending to these plants. They not only cheered up my home, but finding the time, love and patience to grow them made me a little nutty and obsessive, and they STILL thrived.
And my teenagers? Same lesson. Except that I’m a LOT nutty because of them, and you know what?

I’m still a good mom.

And then, just as sometimes, LIFE happens, this happened:

I killed it. I guess you can't save them all.

I killed it. Sometimes you win some, sometimes, you loose some. I guess FENG SHUI didn’t want things to go to my head or get any ideas that I should start adopting kids like Angelina Jolie or anything. This was the universe’s way of telling me:

9 out of 10 ain’t bad. Count your blessings. Sometimes LIFE happens, and sometimes, you kill something. C’est La Vie. It’s a plant. It’s not your kid.

Thanks feng shui. Lesson learned. Thank GAWD it wasn’t my kid!



  1. Becca says:

    My husband says I’m no longer allowed to buy plants for outside or inside the home, because they always die. And as you said, at least it wasn’t the kids right? RIGHT……..
    Becca recently posted..You Don’t Have Any DD’s by Chance?My Profile

    • My hubby enjoys the plants, but I DID go a little overboard! I’ve got orchids in the bathroom (they like steam) LOL!

      [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  2. Is it possible that by “feng shui” she menat “Keep your kids from sneaking out at night”? That was my first thought, as the mom of a tween…

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