Overheard a 5 year old say: Dear Lord, Please let this day be better than yesterday.


Yesterday, at a local bagel shop, I sat across from a table of 3 people – a mother (a neighbor I recognized), and her two kids, ages 4 and 5. The mom comes back to the table with bagels and cream cheese. Before digging into his bagel, he stops and puts his hands into prayer mode and says:

Dear Lord, please let this day be better than yesterday.

Picture by Quentin Hanson on Flickr through creative commons license: http://www.flickr.com/photos/quenten/

His mom looks at me, and says, “They’ve been working on prayers at Sunday school. I *really* have to work with him on his gratitude prayers!” and we both burst out laughing.

So, I thought, what better way than to start the day than with a few words of gratitude. Here are mine for the day:

  1. Dear Lord, I am very grateful that I am not in childbirth today. I am also grateful that if I were giving birth to a child today, I would have a choice of an epideral or an epideral. So I guess what I’m saying is that I am REALLY grateful I am not only NOT birthing a child today, but that we are no longer in the 1900’s when women were expected to pop one out every year only with only the aid of a biting down on a leather strap and then expected to return to the field.
  2. Dear Lord, I am especially grateful for butter. I don’t know how you convinced someone to collect milk, separate out the cream from the milk, and then whip it, whip, whip whip some more, whip even more x 1000 to make butter. That must have been one crazy bitch. How did you convince her to keep whipping the cream  beyond any sort of reason? In any case dear Lord, Thank you. Butter is wonderful.
  3. Dear Lord, I am grateful that I am my husband’s 3rd wife. He’s made a lot of mistakes in his day, and I am really grateful he made them on other less suspecting women. Three’s a lucky number, right?
  4. Dear Lord, thank you for the tabloids. I mean, how else would we know that having perfect hair and perfect teeth does not exclude a person from living a fucked up life? Lindsie Lohan, Brittany Spears – good lessons, good lessons!
  5. Dear Lord, thank you for showing me that all things are possible. I mean, if rappers can rap (Kanye West) , rhymers can rhyme (Eminem), bakers can bake (Cupcake Wars), drivers can drive (Danica Patrick), gamers can game (Angry Birds!), visionaries can envision (Steve Jobs), designers can design (Versace!), writers can write (Stephen King), bloggers can blog (the bloggess), riders can ride (Lance Armstrong), and they all can make a living and enjoy what they do, this proves that all things are possible. All I have to do is be me, to be me, to be the best ME EVER in order to be happy and successful. Now THAT is truly a gift.
Well, when you put it that way – I’m not in childbirth today, I have butter (and didn’t even have to churn it myself), I have a man that has already met his mistake quota for this lifetime, I now know that I don’t have to have perfect teeth & hair to be happy and successful and that I just have to be the best me there is. WOW. I know you’re saying WOW too. Maybe not for the same reasons I am saying WOW. Maybe you’re thinking, I am SOOOO glad I am not as messed up as this bitch. In any case. WOW.
What’s your gratitude list for the day? Please share!
-NINJA (bitch), CEO


  1. Kir says:

    You are my kind of gal!!!! I loved this, esp the “please let today be better than yesterday!” Classic! I am normally thankful that Dick Wolf created three different versions of Law & Order and they are always on some channel at anytime of day. I’m a simple girl 😉

    It’s so nice to meet u!!!!!

  2. So nice to meet you too! Have a little gratitude can make a day so fun, huh? Who knew?

  3. Kristin says:

    What a cute post.

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