Problem SOLVED: We haven’t had a SOCK shortage SINCE!


I don’t have a sock problem, but my husband does.

And by problem, I mean, he’s always running out of clean socks.

This wouldn’t be a problem except that he doesn’t go shopping enough to replenish his necessities – like socks, enough. And when he’s out of socks, I pay for it. I mean, he’ll complain, he’ll look all over the house, he’ll get ornery, he’ll leave the house late for work, he’ll give me the dreaded *dirty* eye that implies that I somehow should have anticipated this but WORST of all, he’ll resort to wearing dirty socks – and with a nose like mine – I can smell dirty, stinky, smelly, sweaty, worn sock, from across the room. EWWWWWW. Let me say it again. EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!


He once even accused me:

Husband: I can’t find any of my socks. Have you been wearing MY socks?

Me: I don’t wear socks. Even if I did, I wouldn’t wear YOUR socks. They have holes in them. AND, the heel would come up to my knee. I’m pretty sure you would have noticed if I were running around wearing your socks.

Husband: Well, when you put it like THAT, it does seem illogical.

But, I’m a problem solver – I’m helpful that way. I get shit done, you know? And most importantly, I LOVE him so! My solution?

A back-up sock drawer mofo!

I bought extra socks. I filled up a whole drawer with socks I would like. I called it the back-up sock drawer. It was filled up with socks with hearts, kitten socks, pink striped socks, fuzzy socks, socks with toes, you get it – socks that had a sense of humor.

A recent conversation went something like this:

Husband: I’m out of clean socks.

ME: Did you look in the back-up sock drawer? I put new socks in a back-up drawer, just for you. It’s the drawer below your regular sock drawer.

Husband: There’s nothing but girly socks in there.

ME: They’re *obviously” not for girls – they are MAN sized socks.

Husband: There’s a hello kitty face staring at me on these socks.

ME: Well, it’s either that or you could just do your laundry more often. OR, maybe you could buy your own socks since it seems we have a difference in sock fashion-sense.

We haven’t had a problem since.

-NINJA (bitch), CEO

PS-We’ve been living happily ever after!

PPS – Since he brought it up, I’ve been wearing his CLEAN socks, just to see if he noticed. He DID notice, and we both agreed that I looked *WAY* cuter in his socks than he EVER did. He’s encouraged me to start the “wearing my husband’s socks to work day” trend. I don’t know. You tell ME what you think…






  1. I once tried to solve a similar problem with logic.

    I always lost socks. I mean, normal people lose socks and they form the rings of Saturn, right? But I had nothing but single socks. My socks drawer was like craigslist.

    So I bought 20 pairs of identical black socks. Problem solved, right?

    No. You see, pairs of socks are like couples. One of them is always shy and the other gregarious. ONe goes out all the time and one of them is a homebody. Some hid in the back of the drawer while others gathered at the front like puppies at a screen door.

    The result was that none of them had been washed exactly the same number of times. I had forty socks, all in a slightly different shade of black.

    My next plan was even cleverer. Long cuffs.

    • My teen daughter refuses to wear matching socks. She likes the socks to coordinate (I.e. colors look good together), and same type of sock (I.e both have to be ankle socks or both have to be knee highs, etc.). I think she pitied me! Thank god!

      [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

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